New Year, New Theme
What will inspire, excite and surprise you this year?
I love one-word new year’s resolutions themes. In case you’re unfamiliar, this is where you choose one word — such as patience, courage, or self-compassion — to intentionally explore over the year in ways both planned and spontaneous.
(Like many others, I am anti-resolution. Less than 10% of them succeed, likely because, as psychologist Cynthia Vinney writes, we are too ambitious, not deeply considering the “why” behind them, and not ready for change.)
My 2024 Theme: Friendship
In 2024, my theme was “Friendship.” I spent time throughout the year reflecting on and reading about what it means to be a good friend (Carole Robin’s Connect topped my list of best reads). I made a list of friendships that I wanted to deepen – some old, some new. I reached out to a couple of people I’d been adoring from afar but hadn’t quite had the courage to reach approach (hi, Louisa! 👋). I put friendship on my schedule with planned calls, walks, and dates. I wrote more hand-written notes. I worked on myself so I had new insights to share. I hosted a couple of gatherings, such as a Happy Women Dinner, to create space to connect with like-minded women and to which I could invite friends. I now have two friends with whom I have a scheduled 30-min call every 2-3 weeks, and a handful of others with whom I schedule a quarterly or twice-yearly walk or lunch. A couple dear friends live out of town; we’ve deepened connections on weekend getaways and occasional phone calls. My friendship life has blossomed!
Mid-year, a friendship breakthrough came along. I realized that being a good friend doesn’t mean being available and connected 24/7. I used to believe this, no doubt left over from childhood when my besties and I were joined at the hip, and exacerbated by our 24/7 social media culture. This picture of friendship left me anxious and kept me from making friends as an adult because I didn’t think I’d have time to be that kind of friend, especially once I became a parent. So I would avoid contact, and thus didn’t have very many friends.
I picked “Friendship” as my 2024 theme because I realized that in so many ways, being a good friend is our highest calling as humans, alongside being a good parent. It allows us to practice all of the values we hold dear, like kindness, acceptance, generosity, listening, humor, and patience. Good friends are invaluable sources of strength, providing us with compassion, support, wisdom, honest feedback, forgiveness, acceptance, and laughter. (If you want to see great friendships modeled, go binge-watch Shrinking Season 2).
What I learned from deciding to work on friendship is that being a good friend is more about intention and attention than hours spent – it can look like a text here or there, or a coffee date a couple times a year. It can be light and sporadic. Quality over quantity. It does mean showing up for the person if they are in crisis, as a few friends did when my dad died last year. But even then, it doesn’t need to be intensive. Friendship doesn’t mean taking responsibility for other people’s problems. A good friend is not a caretaker, but a lighthouse.
The Value of a One-Word Theme
A one-word theme is a wonderful way to approach a new year as a family – each person can choose one word and come back to it over dinner conversations throughout the year. We discussed the idea of setting one word collectively, but then realized that it’s better if each person has their own word, as we are all working on different aspects of ourselves. As the brilliant writers of Shrinking observe, it’s best not to “we” people without their permission.
In 2025, I will likely choose the word “Confidence,” which is something one of my teenagers is working on right now. What does it mean to be truly confident? Where does confidence come from? Is it a combination of mastery and humility? Or something more? I’m excited to explore these ideas, put them into practice, and model them for my kids. I’m sure there will be some unexpected realizations that come out of it.
To choose a word, I recommend getting quiet and tuning into what you’re most excited and inspired to work on in your inner life (not what you “should” work on). As is the case with any good story (your life), your hero’s true need, as opposed to their want, is an inner transformation that often belies the outer goal they think they want to achieve. The first word or two that pops into your mind is probably the right one.
What theme are you considering for 2025?
I’m not ready to chose the word yet but wanted to send you a note that I LOVE this post. I also share your love of the community of support in Shrinking 2. The combination of Brett Goldstein’s Hope punk writing, and Apple TV challenging us as producers to aspire to be change makers, is so refreshing! I’ll keep you posted on my word.
I absolutely LOVE this Sabrina!! Friendship does look different as adults - and as parents in the "sandwich years" of life. I like what you said that we can be a lighthouse and not a caregiver. I will be thinking of my word - thank you friend :)