Present, Grateful and Connected

The simple and profound act of writing a letter

Writing letters! Photo credit: Amanda Marmer

Audio version:

The other day, I met up with my dear friend David Barnes. David serves as the Youth Minister at Calvary Presbyterian Church in San Francisco, and is one of those people who simply beams. He remembers everyone’s name – including Lotus, the lovely barista taking our order. As we linger over our tea at our sidewalk cafe table, we are interrupted several times by people stopping by to say hello.

You might think that someone as busy and in-demand as David would be scattered, but he is not. He is extremely centered. He describes it to me this way:  “I like to move quickly without rushing.” 

I let David’s words sink in, along with another of David’s aphorisms: “When you let all the stress and anxiety get the better of you, it’s like putting a basket over a candle. You put out your flame.”

I began this post intending to write about the art of letter-writing, but then found my thoughts turning to David, and my gratitude for his friendship. I realized that two have a lot in common — just as letter-writing helps us feel more present, grateful, and connected, David embodies these traits as well.

Why letter-writing has fallen out of favor

It's not at all surprising why letter-writing has fallen out of favor in the last decade. Email, social media, and texts allow us to reach anyone, anywhere, at any time. Why write a letter when you can send an email or text that’s guaranteed to arrive almost instantly? 

Not only that, writing a letter takes time. Most of us have lost the muscle memory for handwriting — mine has certainly atrophied along with my ability to get to the grocery store without GPS — making the idea of putting pen to paper even more daunting.

And then there’s the generational divide: to digital natives, letter-writing can feel like something fusty and formal that old people do (as I hear myself nudging my kids to write thank you notes!).

20 Reasons to Write a Letter

And yet, there is something profound about writing a letter. For one, the time, effort, and thought that go into crafting a letter show a level of care that a quick text or email can’t match. Here are 20 of the key benefits of writing a letter:

1. Letters are personal and meaningful

2. Letters are a tangible keepsake

3. Handwritten letters are rare, which makes them special to receive

4. Letters strengthen and deepen relationships

5. A letter gives you perspective on what someone means to you 

6. Letter-writing takes time; the process helps us appreciate the people we love 

7. A letter is a shared object

8. A letter is a shared experience

9. Handwriting is more personal than typewritten text

10. Handwriting helps us generate creative thoughts and ideas, according to research

11. Letters give us a reason to be creative and expressive. They can include words, pictures, quotes, lists, poems, questions...

12. Letters help us stay connected to people who don’t use computers often

13. Letter-writing is a form of contemplation

14. Writing a letter helps you know yourself 

15. Writing a letter helps you develop your voice

16. Letters give us a reason to express gratitude, which is scientifically linked to happiness 

17. Letters let us say things that would be hard to say in person or on social media

18. A letter is a more meaningful gift than most material things

19. Letters are 1-to-1 instead of 1-to-many

20. Letters re-humanize relationships

So those are the benefits of writing letters. And while I certainly don’t write them often, I do hope that I’ll continue to take the time to write them when I have something meaningful to say. And I hope that others will continue to do this as well. Just like David, it’s possible for us to move quickly without rushing, and keep our own flame and those of our friends burning bright. And I can think of no better way to do this than by occasionally slowing down and writing a letter.

If you have a story about letter-writing you’d like to share, I hope you’ll do so in the comments!

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P.S. If you want a simple, fun way to jumpstart your letter-writing, check out our new Write Me Back pen pal kits, available here for $22. 💌. You can also read about how the magic that happened when we used them at a women’s mindfulness, friendship and letter-writing brunch!