Give Me Space
...but not too much
Happy summer! This first free week after school lets out—before camps, family trips, and chaos—has me thinking about one word: spaciousness. And how to create more of it!
Have you ever received an out-of-the-blue email that upends your week in the best way possible? Mine came last week from the parents of a three-year old:
Hiya! Our 3 year old is OBSESSED with all of your books! And as her parents, and graphic designers, we couldn’t be more thrilled to welcome one (or several) of your books into our bedtime routine.
Sloth and Smell the Roses has been on repeat in our house lately. We spend the most time on the space spread: When life wants you to rush and race, slow it down and make some space. This speaks so deeply to us and our little unicorn. We would so love to be able to have this spread printed and be displayed in our home to encourage not only ourselves, our children, but also our visitors that in our home we don’t rush each other and we make space for everyone. I’m not sure if you take on special requests, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to ask.
Of course, our answer this request was “Yes! Yes! A Thousand Times, YES!” What’s more, her words ignited all the ways I’d been thinking about spaciousness lately, like a string of Christmas tree lights. So, what is spaciousness—and how do we create more of it?
What is Spaciousness?
First, let me note that the word “spaciousness” is deliciously onomatopoetic — simply saying it feels spacious! The dictionary defition is “the quality of being large or having ample space for people or things.” Like a flowy mumu that hides all the blobs while letting one’s imagination do the rest (I own a couple!). Spaciousness isn’t just for wardrobes, though. It’s an overall vibe for mind, body, schedule, and spirit. We need more of it . . . just not too much (hello, shapeless lounge wear!).
Why Spaciousness Matters
Physical Spaciousness
Moving your body (especially outside) isn’t just exercise—it rewires the brain and boosts well-being. According to research, physical movement improves neuroplasticity and behavioral plasticity (while stagnation stiffens everything from joints to attitudes). In particular, moving outdoors in nature has been shown to boost self-esteem As the wellness saying goes, “motion is lotion” – keeping everything in flow.
Takeaway: Five minutes of dancing-behind-locked-doors is a science-backed brain boost.
Mental Spaciousness
Mental spaciousness is a vacation from our thoughts. Meditation provides relief from that relentless bumpy terrain, reducing anxiety and helping us zoom out from the proverbial rock in our shoe to the full mountain view. From breath work to guided visualization — meditation creates perspective shifts. One way I like to describe it is moving from “point focus” (goal-oriented concentration) to “field focus” (relaxed receptiveness). It also feels like opening a faucet to creative flow.
Takeaway: Two minutes of deep breathing = more calm, less chaos, more creativity.
Temporal Spaciousness
There is something SO viscerally exhilarating about filling up Every. Single. Space. in one’s calendar, isn’t there? It’s like putting in the last few pieces of a puzzle. Except the picture on the puzzle is of a lady with her hair on fire, questioning her life choices. Without giving up our love of puzzles, we can proactively cultivate empty spaces. My friend Erica Smigelski, a coach and strategist, sets aside Fridays as “me time” for catch-up and self-care. Leadership expert Michael Hyatt recommends designing your “ideal week” and allocating certain days for certain activities – e.g. external meetings, long-term planning, and/or lunches with friends. Each of these strategies for creating space on crowded calendars can work wonders.
Takeaway: One blank slot a day = sanity preserved.
Spiritual Spaciousness
For us bleary and weary parents, breathing in the idea that we’re part of something bigger – a benevolent oneness that forgives our failures and allays our fears – provides deeply needed spaciousness from the mental load of managing a family. Even a daily intention can feel awe-inspiring. Whether or not you believe it, research shows that spiritual connection has mental health benefits. (Side note: I once woke up from a dream with repeating the mantra: NOTICE THE ONE. NOTICE THE ONE. I told my kids and they’ve been gently mocking me ever since. Yes, mom is a little woo like that, because noticing the oneness of all things WORKS.).
Takeaway: A morning pause = reminder of connection and support.
My Practice Experiments
I wrote a whole book dedicated to slowing down and spaciousness, Escargot For It! A Snail’s Guide to Finding Your Own Trail and Shellebrating Success, but there is always more to learn. Here are my latest experiments in cultivating spaciousness — from the weird to the woo, I am always trying something new!
The Rider Stance – Five minutes of grounding—heels rooted, arms open—using this ancient qigong pose reminds that I am in charge of my own space and power. A friend taught it to me on a walk recently, as we pointedly ignored passers-by while squatting on invisible horses. Yes, my kids will be mocking me, and I’m fine with it, because —
Playful Pause – In a recent workshop with intentional living coach Scotty King, we learned about how taking a playful pause before responding (to, say, the mockery of my kids at my Rider Stance)—just long enough to find the humor.
Energetic Containers – My teacher recently taught me a ritual: calling in support from Earth, ancestors, plants, and more—a mental and spiritual vessel holding the day so I don’t have to. It’s a little a lot woo, but you know how cathedrals and certain natural spaces just feel infused with calming support? That’s what this practice does.
What Now?
We can create more spaciousness into our lives, with intention, open-mindedness and whimsy. And because visual reminders help, we created a $5 downloadable print of the “make some space” spread — thanks to that wonderful out-of-the-blue email!
So what gives you space these days? Lock-the-door dance parties? Cat videos? A disco nap? Share your favorite tricks below . . . for anyone who needs more space!
A perfect read for any day, and every day. Wow.
I needed to read this today. Thank you for writing your beautiful words that mean so much!